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COATTAILS POLITICAL ENDORSEMENTS!
Like, Obama!
By Tiffany
Hi,I'm Tiffany, and this is my first political editorial column for Coattails! They're so nice. I met them at a club and even though I was totally wasted they still took me home. They're so sweet! Ohmygod, anyways, I dont really like politics, even. Like, I wasn't really sure what politics was until I got to college last year and all dated this guy who was always like talking about them. But I was so bored! Until I found out about Obama in Us Magazine. He's a celebrity! Anyways, Im totally for Obama. My Daddy is so cheesed off cuz he's like a muslim and stuff but I dont even care. (And I found out muslims arent all babykillers either, Daddy. Did you think they wouldn't tell me that in college? Well they did!) Anyways, Obama is totally C-U-T-E! He is like, such a dork, but like in a really cute way. He totally looks like Usher (I <3 USHER!!!). Or like a cross between Usher and Will Smith (he-is-so-FUNNY!). And hes like, really smart! But not even that, he like totally wants to change things! Like, apparently they don't even care what I think in Washington right now! And I go to the University of Washington!! So Obamas going to like, put my voice back in Washington, which is like so great. And like, all those republicans like Hillary are totally bitching out on him, but have you seen how she dresses? Gag me with a spoon, are you my Grandma? Ugh. But like, hes got all these really good ideas, like hope, and change, and like hes really sweet and stuff and guys are never like that. Like, you could tell him anything. Ohmygosh but the best part is theres all these cute Obama clothes! Like really cute shirts and stuff, so you dont have to look really gross to support him.
You GO, Hillary!
By Dax
Heyyy, I'm Dax, and this is my first political opinion column for Coattails. They are so fabulous. I met them at a club and even though I was completely wasted they took me home. They're so sweet, and I really needed that ecstasy fueled butt massaging party. Anyhoo, I'm here to discuss my support for Hillary. You go, girl! We need a WOMAN'S TOUCH in this country. She is so strong. And I know exactly how she feels! That Bill thing and all. After I found out my Perry was sleeping with his intern, I could hardly get out of bed for a WEEK. I just sat around eating Bon-Bons and watching The Mirror Has Two Faces over and over again. But now she's out of the house and taking that man's Presidency all for herself. Good for you, sister!! Obama and all those other breeders need to GET OFF HER BACK! Sure, she wears some pretty horrible outfits (pantsuits, sweety?), but leave her alone! After what Perry did to me I couldn't dress myself either, I just walked around in my baggy sweatpants, Oh my GOD! I looked terrible. I didn't tan or work out, and the Bon-Bons, well, honey, I'm lucky I recovered at all. So vote for Hillary. She deserves this! And that bitch Monica and that little Puerto Rican hussy Rodriguez at Perry's firm need to BURN IN HELL! Homewreckers!
posted by Merlin # 8:42 PM 
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By Tiffany
Hi,I'm Tiffany, and this is my first political editorial column for Coattails! They're so nice. I met them at a club and even though I was totally wasted they still took me home. They're so sweet! Ohmygod, anyways, I dont really like politics, even. Like, I wasn't really sure what politics was until I got to college last year and all dated this guy who was always like talking about them. But I was so bored! Until I found out about Obama in Us Magazine. He's a celebrity! Anyways, Im totally for Obama. My Daddy is so cheesed off cuz he's like a muslim and stuff but I dont even care. (And I found out muslims arent all babykillers either, Daddy. Did you think they wouldn't tell me that in college? Well they did!) Anyways, Obama is totally C-U-T-E! He is like, such a dork, but like in a really cute way. He totally looks like Usher (I <3 USHER!!!). Or like a cross between Usher and Will Smith (he-is-so-FUNNY!). And hes like, really smart! But not even that, he like totally wants to change things! Like, apparently they don't even care what I think in Washington right now! And I go to the University of Washington!! So Obamas going to like, put my voice back in Washington, which is like so great. And like, all those republicans like Hillary are totally bitching out on him, but have you seen how she dresses? Gag me with a spoon, are you my Grandma? Ugh. But like, hes got all these really good ideas, like hope, and change, and like hes really sweet and stuff and guys are never like that. Like, you could tell him anything. Ohmygosh but the best part is theres all these cute Obama clothes! Like really cute shirts and stuff, so you dont have to look really gross to support him.
You GO, Hillary!
By Dax
Heyyy, I'm Dax, and this is my first political opinion column for Coattails. They are so fabulous. I met them at a club and even though I was completely wasted they took me home. They're so sweet, and I really needed that ecstasy fueled butt massaging party. Anyhoo, I'm here to discuss my support for Hillary. You go, girl! We need a WOMAN'S TOUCH in this country. She is so strong. And I know exactly how she feels! That Bill thing and all. After I found out my Perry was sleeping with his intern, I could hardly get out of bed for a WEEK. I just sat around eating Bon-Bons and watching The Mirror Has Two Faces over and over again. But now she's out of the house and taking that man's Presidency all for herself. Good for you, sister!! Obama and all those other breeders need to GET OFF HER BACK! Sure, she wears some pretty horrible outfits (pantsuits, sweety?), but leave her alone! After what Perry did to me I couldn't dress myself either, I just walked around in my baggy sweatpants, Oh my GOD! I looked terrible. I didn't tan or work out, and the Bon-Bons, well, honey, I'm lucky I recovered at all. So vote for Hillary. She deserves this! And that bitch Monica and that little Puerto Rican hussy Rodriguez at Perry's firm need to BURN IN HELL! Homewreckers!
posted by Merlin # 8:42 PM