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Martin Scorsese New Charles Manson?
I was watching Cape Fear last night, which by the way isn't that good, and I thought to myself, "Merlin, why is Bobby DeNiro such a total creep? When he's not trying to rape a 16 year old*, he's trying to, uh, sleep with a 15 year old**. Y'know, that and all the violence. I've probably seen him beat up at least twenty men and women." And then I said to myself, "Self, who is this guy's 'Daddy'?"
You see, in the Manson Family, Charlie was the "daddy". What later became psychotic mass-murderers started out as fresh-faced young men and women (possibly on their way to becoming actors....?), but were twisted under the direction of "Daddy" Manson. So who was directing Bobby D?
Martin "Helter Skelter" Scorsese, that's who!
Our crack team of investigators dusted off their Fedoras and hit the streets to find out if there was any merit to these outrageous claims, and were sadly proven.....right.
Marty Scrosese has been brainwashing his own beefed-up, star-powered Manson Family right under our noses.
The Family, as near as our investigators are aware, consists of Bobby DeNiro, Sandra "Funny But Not Pretty" Bernhard, Joseph Acacia Pesci, Leonardo "Sunshine" DiCaprio, Harvey "Bad Lieutenant" Keitel, Harry "The Dean" Dean-Stanton, Willem "Merlin" Defoe, and Jody Foster.
Bobby is indisputably the favorite son, being driven to commit the longest string of atrocities, including but not limited to; various counts of rape, murder, and theft....ON TAPE!!
Sandra Berhard was Daddy Scorsese's little girl. Never implicated in any of Marty's murders, the extent of her recorded crimes involve merely the kidnapping and rape of comedy great Jerry Lewis (who had it coming). Perhaps due to her lack of cold killer instinct, Marty chose not to disclose any more tapes of her animal transgressions. Which is fine, she's not that pretty.
Joseph Acacia "Joe" Pesci has always been the wild-card. Murder, theft, extortion, armed Robbery, and all committed with an Oscar-award winning passion. Recently booted out of the Scorsese Ranch for being a loose cannon, reportedly daring to break Marty's nose on vacation in Mexico (see his wykopedia entry for more details). His current whereabouts are unknown.
Willem Defoe and Harry Dean-Stanton participated in the most heinous of all of Marty's crimes: the crucifixion of Jesus of Nazareth, succeeding where Charlie had failed and thereby usurping his throne-of-tears. The two now deny involvement in the murder of Jesus, and most of the evidence is at this point decayed beyond recognition. Harvey Keitel is suspected of turning Jesus over to the Romans, but once more, the evidence is inconclusive.
Jody Foster was one his first and most loyal children. Involved with Marty since fifteen, she prostituted herself on the mean streets of New York to various taxi drivers after hours. After a falling out with Marty in the nineties, she was seen courting the attentions of the infamous Dr. Hannibal Lecter, possibly in attempt to replace Marty.
The final and most troubling addition to The Family would have to be Leonardo DiCapprio. Once a retarded young mid-westerner living with his grotesquely over weight mother and now famous older brother, Gilbert Grape, Dicapprio changed his name and moved to the Scorsese ranch in LA. What sick shit are they up to?
So there you have it! The truth behind one of the most twisted minds of our time: Marty Scorsese. Surprised? Neither am I.
(* as chronicled in the documentary Cape Fear)
(** as chronicled in the documentary Raging Bull)
posted by Merlin # 5:55 PM 
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I was watching Cape Fear last night, which by the way isn't that good, and I thought to myself, "Merlin, why is Bobby DeNiro such a total creep? When he's not trying to rape a 16 year old*, he's trying to, uh, sleep with a 15 year old**. Y'know, that and all the violence. I've probably seen him beat up at least twenty men and women." And then I said to myself, "Self, who is this guy's 'Daddy'?"
You see, in the Manson Family, Charlie was the "daddy". What later became psychotic mass-murderers started out as fresh-faced young men and women (possibly on their way to becoming actors....?), but were twisted under the direction of "Daddy" Manson. So who was directing Bobby D?
Martin "Helter Skelter" Scorsese, that's who!
Our crack team of investigators dusted off their Fedoras and hit the streets to find out if there was any merit to these outrageous claims, and were sadly proven.....right.
Marty Scrosese has been brainwashing his own beefed-up, star-powered Manson Family right under our noses.
The Family, as near as our investigators are aware, consists of Bobby DeNiro, Sandra "Funny But Not Pretty" Bernhard, Joseph Acacia Pesci, Leonardo "Sunshine" DiCaprio, Harvey "Bad Lieutenant" Keitel, Harry "The Dean" Dean-Stanton, Willem "Merlin" Defoe, and Jody Foster.
Bobby is indisputably the favorite son, being driven to commit the longest string of atrocities, including but not limited to; various counts of rape, murder, and theft....ON TAPE!!
Sandra Berhard was Daddy Scorsese's little girl. Never implicated in any of Marty's murders, the extent of her recorded crimes involve merely the kidnapping and rape of comedy great Jerry Lewis (who had it coming). Perhaps due to her lack of cold killer instinct, Marty chose not to disclose any more tapes of her animal transgressions. Which is fine, she's not that pretty.
Joseph Acacia "Joe" Pesci has always been the wild-card. Murder, theft, extortion, armed Robbery, and all committed with an Oscar-award winning passion. Recently booted out of the Scorsese Ranch for being a loose cannon, reportedly daring to break Marty's nose on vacation in Mexico (see his wykopedia entry for more details). His current whereabouts are unknown.
Willem Defoe and Harry Dean-Stanton participated in the most heinous of all of Marty's crimes: the crucifixion of Jesus of Nazareth, succeeding where Charlie had failed and thereby usurping his throne-of-tears. The two now deny involvement in the murder of Jesus, and most of the evidence is at this point decayed beyond recognition. Harvey Keitel is suspected of turning Jesus over to the Romans, but once more, the evidence is inconclusive.
Jody Foster was one his first and most loyal children. Involved with Marty since fifteen, she prostituted herself on the mean streets of New York to various taxi drivers after hours. After a falling out with Marty in the nineties, she was seen courting the attentions of the infamous Dr. Hannibal Lecter, possibly in attempt to replace Marty.
The final and most troubling addition to The Family would have to be Leonardo DiCapprio. Once a retarded young mid-westerner living with his grotesquely over weight mother and now famous older brother, Gilbert Grape, Dicapprio changed his name and moved to the Scorsese ranch in LA. What sick shit are they up to?
So there you have it! The truth behind one of the most twisted minds of our time: Marty Scorsese. Surprised? Neither am I.
(* as chronicled in the documentary Cape Fear)
(** as chronicled in the documentary Raging Bull)
posted by Merlin # 5:55 PM